Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
