hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
