I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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