You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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