That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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