Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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