i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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