Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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