Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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