i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
