thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she peed on how many people?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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