Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
