the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
