If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
