I accidentally burped into my bong.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We need to get me chipped asap
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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