Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
