Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
