Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
