I just cut my nipple shaving
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
