Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
