i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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