He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
did i just pee glitter
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
