He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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