I'm really into asian looking animals
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
