she kept yelling 'call me bella'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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