He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
