I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
