I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
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well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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