Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
