You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
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i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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