and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
