there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
