So drunk its hurt
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
