upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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