I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
