Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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