you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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