i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I want to fling myself into the sun
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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