mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
