It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
