the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I cut my penus on the lid.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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