How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
