I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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