I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
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