Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
