He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
