It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
