Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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