on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you will always have a special place in my vag
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
