it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
