Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
