Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize