If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
