Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
