Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
