I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
