Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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