What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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