I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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