i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
