No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
