I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
