he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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