this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
