I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
