so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
