youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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