a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
