somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
