He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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