if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
