So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
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The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Holy sore nipples Batman
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I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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