I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
