"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
