I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
